


you are the roots that sleep beneath my feet

by maarzanna



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Accidental Death, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Practical Magic Fusion, Angst, Drama & Romance, F/M, Falling In Love, Fantasy, Grief/Mourning, M/M, Magic, Minor Character Death, Movie AU, Romance, Violence, Witch Curses, Witchcraft
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-18
Updated: 2018-04-18
Packaged: 2019-04-21 01:18:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,056
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14273817
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maarzanna/pseuds/maarzanna
Summary: Magic and tragedy have run in the Ambrose family for generations, a curse hangs over them, condemning them to lose whoever they love.Recently widowed, Merlin Ambrose returns to his childhood home hoping to deal with his grief. But life is never easy. He has to help his cousin get rid of her lover from hell, his mother and uncle never stop meddling, and fate throws him a wrench in the form of Arthur Penn. Just when Merlin vowed he'd never fall in love again.





	you are the roots that sleep beneath my feet

  
  
  


☆

  


The house stood on a hill overlooking the lake, away from the rest of the town. A single road was the only way to reach the Ambrose residence. When he was a child, Merlin imagined he was on an island, the tower was his very own lighthouse. 

The place looked exactly the same, almost like time stood still the day he left. 

Taking a deep breath he opened the taxi's door and got out, ignoring the driver while taking out his luggage. He'd refused any help he was offered, even turned down his own mother when she suggested she could pick him up. He hadn't been ready to face the world then. Still wasn't. It had taken all of his energy and resolve to accept he perhaphs needed his family. Soon he was alone on the road, standing outside his childhood home. Memories were hidden in every corner, from the porch up to the attic. 

Merlin dragged his bags behind him, barely managing to open the fence. He was soon surrounded by flowers and trees, by spring. The smell of honeysuckle floating in the air, bees buzzing around. The butterflies would soon come out of their cocoons.

He ignored the tightness in his chest. 

Soon he was knocking on the front door and his mother's kind face was smiling at him, welcoming him back. He braced himself for any questions she could throw at him, but none came. 

"My dear boy," she said, pulling him into a hug he awkardly returned. He couldn't breathe. It was a constant in his life nowadays, the inability to breathe.

"Mum," he whispered when he found his voice.

"Right." She ushered him inside, her smile still bright, warm. He briefly pondered asking her how she managed to smile every day. 

Inside, it smelled like wood, herbs, and baked goods. And on the living room tea was already waiting for him. His luggage had already dissapeared from sight. 

"Sit down, I bet you haven't had anything to eat today," she said, giving him a pointed look. He knew better than to protest. 

Merlin was armed with biscuits and tea, neither had dissapeared, his appetite was gone. It happened on a daily basis. Food was tasteless. Under his mother's watchful eye he nibbled on a biscuit, stared at the old wallpaper as if it were new and he had just noticed the intricate flora details. 

He cleared his troath, the silence was an abyss. "Is uncle Gaius around?" His voice sounded odd, trembled. Making small talk felt ridiculous. Pointless. 

His mother's eyes narrowed. "No. He's out. Said he had a bussiness to take care of."

"Bussiness? What is he up to now? Don't tell me you two have started doing house visits again because--"

"Merlin." 

"I have a bussiness now. A real one. In town and you know it. People will start talking again if you go around throwing hexes--" 

"Merlin!" 

His mother rarely raised her voice. He stopped his rant, biting his tongue so hard he drew blood, it gave him a focal point. She had moved to sit next to him, her arms went around him, holding him close. 

"Mum." He couldn't breathe again, a lump in his troath. The weight of the world was crushing him.

She started rocking him, reminding him of when he had nightmares. This one he couldn't wake up from. "Let it go, love. I'm here. Let it go." 

"Mum, please. Don't." He couldn't do it anymore, he held onto her, his eyes were stinging. His body shook. He was unable to contain himself, the tears were hot and heavy, left a trail down his cheeks. 

"Shh. Shh. I'm here. You're not alone." 

Everything hurt, taking a breath, waking up, being there. "Mum, please. I miss him-- I miss him so much," he managed between sobs.

He didn't wake up.

¤

His bedroom was almost bare. It consisted of his bed, a dresser and a full-lenght mirror. His bags were thrown on the floor, he didn't have the energy to put things away, he was constantly tired. He'd been living in his pajamas for almost a week.

His mother and uncle had tried to bring him out the room to no avail, entincing him with scrumptious cooking, making it rain inside and banging on the door, calling his name over and over once it'd become clear he wasn't coming out. 

Merlin was fine with staying under the covers, hidden away with the curtains pulled closed. There was no reason to get up, to see a new day when he was so alone. If he'd moved back in was only because he couldn't bear the emptiness in his house. Where once two had lived and loved and laughed, had turned into a hollow shell, it wasn't a home anymore, it was the place where Merlin was being buried alive under the weight of memories. 

Uncle Gaius had said it wasn't healthy, he was turning into a ghost too. Merlin was humoring them here. He wasn't planning on changing his routine any time soon. 

He took his phone from under his pillow, going to the album simply titled 'him'. There were hundreds of photos, he'd even kept the blurry ones. Merlin slid his thumb down the screen, slow, thougtful. It was one of the last pictures they'd taken together, they'd been on holiday and Lance couldn't stop laughing at Merlin's inability to ride a bike without an incindent. He felt the prick of fresh tears and wiped them before they could fall. 

Many times he'd wished he had the power to reach inside the hands of time and force it to turn back. He wanted to mess with the continuum. If he could he would have gone back to the first time Lance kissed him make it last longer, appreciate it more, savor it and commit to memory the brush of their lips. Merlin didn't have that power, he could only wonder and wish. So much for having magic.

He fell asleep sometime in the afternoon, opening his eyes he caught the last rays of sun before it dissapeared on the horizon. Months ago he'd loved the view. 

His phone ringed again, right, that was what made him wake up. 

"Hello?" His voice was rough with sleep. 

"Merlin?" 

Morgana's voice on the other end brought a new wave of tears, he laughed, a broken little sound. He blew air trying to compose himself. 

"I knew I had to call you," Morgana said, loud music could be heard in the background. "My stomach hurt the entire day, I could barely do anything. Why didn't you call? Why didn't you say you were moving back, I had to hear from Gaius." 

"Morg," he said, keeping his tone as calm as he could. "I didn't want you to worry and change your plans."

"But I am worried, you know I would've taken the first plane home," she argued. 

"That's exactly why. I'm fine, I swear." 

"Merlin, don't even dare." 

He laughed again, it hurt, a lot. He was empty inside. "They say it will pass, but I can't see the end, Morg. I miss him every day, every hour. We were happy, I loved him. So much. I was normal for once, I had everything I wanted and I can't fathom the idea of not seeing him ever again. How am I supposed to accept that? How can I live when he's no longer here? How is that fair? My hands are empty and anything I try to hold, will end up slipping between my fingers. I can’t keep gathering water when I know I'll always die of thirst."

Morgana inhaled sharply. "I won't say I'm sorry because it doesn't help, because it's not what you want to hear and you're probably tired of havinh to. What I want you to know, and, listen, please. Despite the distance I'm here and there with you, right now we are probably looking at the same stars. I won't leave you alone, never, it's you and me babe, forever and always." 

Merlin's face was blotchy and his stomach hurt from real laughter by the time he ended the call with Morgana.

He was still empty, but his heart dared to beat again.

¤

Lance kept asking for help. He shouted and called Merlin's name. And then, there was silence. Pure and impenetrable.

Merlin was alone. 

It was midnight, his reflection on the mirror had worry lines and looked exhausted, bags under his eyes. 

He kicked the covers to the floor, got up and almost fell, in his rush to get out of the room. The stairs creaked under the weight of his hurried steps. Around him the house hummed, responding to him like a living thing. 

His heart was beating loudly against his ribs bruising them with sound. 

Like a manic he searched around the house. Rummaging cabinets, opening and closing doors. First in the entry hall, the parlor, living room, then the potions room, and finally the kitchen. Under a loose floorboard he found what he was looking for: a big, ancient book, bound in leather. It was heavy on his arms. 

He pulled it open, kneeling on the floor in front of it, frantically searching. _Coming Back. Resurrection._

His heart stopped. 

"Black as night," he read, voice trembling.

"Merlin, what are you doing?" It was his uncle's voice, booming loud behind him. Every single light in the house came to life. 

"Oh, dear." His mother rushed to his side, closed the book and pulled him away from it as one might pull a child away from a lion. He landed against her chest, trembling. She hugged him, keeping him trapped between her arms, afraid if she let him go, she'd lose him too. 

"I need to see him again," he said. "Why should I lose him if I can bring him back?!" His tone was an ugly sound, angry, broken. "You can do it. Please. I want to see him again. Please. Please."

Uncle's Gaius face crumpled, he looked even older in that moment.

"I know. We know. But we can't," his mother said. He was being ripped apart again. "It's dangerous. He wouldn't be the same man you knew. Merlin, love, all you need--"

"Stop. Stop. Don't say it. Neither of you. Don't say I need time to heal, that time will help me. Because guess what? I lost my husband! He's dead and I won't see him or touch him again. And time? Time is meaningless when I'm trapped." His chest was rising and falling heavily, his voice raw. He ached. "I hurt and I'm sad from the moment I wake up and I don't know how to feel anything else. I forgot how. I'm nothing, there's nothing inside me." 

"There is, my boy. There's love, so much I can feel it. And even if you can't, it doesn't mean you're empty. You'll feel it again when the right time comes," she whispered in his ear. Merlin wanted to believe her, yet, at the same time he was afraid of feeling something as strong and volatile as love. Or, well, romance was dead to him. He was done. 

His mother wouldn't let go of him, her warmth keeping him safe and sound. Uncle Gaius sat down next to them, reaching out to hold his hand. He wasn't sure who did it, but the lights started fading. Merlin let them stay there, close to him. He was too tired to fight. And, perhaphs, all along, it was what he needed. What _they_ needed. Sitting in silence, huddled together on a dark kitchen, life and death in their minds. Crickets chirping outside. 

The three of them knew loss better than anyone.

Three broken hearts trying not to die of loneliness.

¤

The next day Merlin woke up to Morgana's smiling face. She was sitting on the bed, smoking, her black hair falling past her shoulders, green eyes inquisitive.

"Get your filthy boots off my bed," Merlin mumbled, hiding a yawn behind his arm. 

Morgana made a show of rolling her eyes, acquiescing nevertheless. She changed positions until her feet were hanging down the side of the bed, her head on Merlin's chest. 

He focused on the smoke swirling up to the ceiling. "What are you doing here?" 

"Nice to see you, too," Morgana answered. "You do know how to make me feel special."

"Come on, you know I missed you too. I just want to know if mum called you." 

Morgana tilted her head to look him in the eye. "She did. Aunt Hunith is worried, so is uncle Gaius, bu I'm not here because of her call, I'm here because you need me. I haven't been able to stop thinking about you, you need me here, not in another city. I can feel your sadness, I could hear you," she said, her face more serious than he'd ever seen. 

Morgana had always been an important part of his life. From the moment she arrived to live with Merlin and his mother after losing both parents, they'd been inseparable. They'd go into the potions room, standing on their tiptoes and reaching out the nearest jars and vials, to pretend they could make their own potions. An elixir to become the fastest runner. In the attic they became mermaids and pirates, they were the most powerful witches in all the land, and at night, they'd crawl out of bed and spy on his uncle and mum, often finding them in the kitchen. Sometimes, one of their neighbors could be found leaving their house, face hidden, scurrying into the night. Whenever that happened, they let Merlin and Morgana eat all the chocolate cake they wanted.

When she left to live her own adventures, Merlin had been lonely. Until Lance came along. 

He grabbed her right hand and pressed his own against her, palm to palm. "Blood oath?" 

She smiled. "Blood oath. I did promise we'd grow old together." 

Merlin smiled. "Your blood, my blood."

"Our blood," Morgana finished, echoing the promise they'd made long ago.

They spent the afternoon talking, catching up. Morgana told him about the countries she'd visited, the spells she'd learned, her new boyfriend ("He has a nice cock," she'd laughed. "Morgana!") and he'd talked about his bussiness ("Mum's taking care of it."), Lance ("I really loved him."), and his guilt ("If I hadn't met him he'd still be here." "Forget about the curse, Merlin. It wasn't your fault." "But--" "Forget it. He loved you too."). She'd gotten him to shower and join them downstairs for dinner, his mum and uncle Gaius were pleased with his presence. It wasn't as terrible as he'd imagined. 

They fell asleep side by side, Morgana's tablet between them, earbuds hanging from their ears, the movie they'd been watching still playing. 

In the morning there was no trace of her. 

She was gone as sudden as she'd come.

¤

"It's so hot here. Why is it so hot? It's not supposed to be so hot in here," Merlin complained, fanning himself with his hand.

They were outside tending to the garden, Gaius was busy trimming bushes and his mum was checking the list they'd compiled of the herbs they needed to stock up on. She put fresh chamomille in a jar. 

"Did your cousin said if she was coming back?" Gaius asked. Merlin looked away from the Hibiscus, eyes a thin line. 

"No. You know Morgana. She does her own thing." Gaius hummed, saying nothing else.

"Wait? Is this heat your doing? Did one of your spells go wrong? Mum?" 

"My lips are sealed," she said, miming zipping her lips with her hand. 

Merlin threw his hand up in the air. "Unbeliavable you two." He grabbed some of the jars that were full to bring them back into the house. 

"Hey! I gave birth to you, young man. You can't judge me," his mother called out. "Much less when we're helping your bussiness out of love."

"Don't worry. I'll come back to work tomorrow," he answered. He peeked over his shoulder seeing their stunned faces, eyes following him inside.

He was arraging the jars when a sharp pain in the stomach forced him to stop, one of the jars fell to the floor shattering. 

"Oh no," he murmured. "No, no, no."

His phone vibrated. With shaking hands he took it out from his jeans' pocket. He had twelve texts. All from Morgana. 

Merlin ran out from the house using the backdoor to avoid useless questions. The word 'help' haunting him.

¤

Morgana was sitting on the bonnet of a bright red car that made Merlin think of cherries. A cigarette between her fingers. She'd sent him a hotel adress, by the looks of it she couldn't stay in her room and found a spot outside, away from possible passersby. She was the same Morgana who'd visited him last month.

Except the closer he got, the more he started realizing how wrong the picture was. 

Her eyes were unseeing, hands were trembling and--Merlin had to stop and take another look-- there was a bruise under her eye, cheekbone swollen. It was a sickening shade of purple. 

"Morgana, what happened?" She flinched, her gaze going from an invisible spot to him. He was taken aback by the fear he saw on her face. "Morg?" 

She winced, shook her head. "It's you," she said. 

"Yes. Yes, it's me." 

Morgana threw the cigarette on the ground, they watched it consume. 

"He hit me," Morgana said, devoid of emotion. Merlin's stomach turned, he felt sick. 

"Who did?" 

"Cenred. He was acting different. He was no longer the man I met. All his charm was replaced with hostility, and he-- He went mad," she said, hiding her face behind her hands. 

"Morgana?" Merlin was sure there was more to the story, his hands turned into fists. He hated the man even if he didn't know his face. Didn't need to. 

"Nobody hits me, Merlin, No one, absolutely no one has the right to hurt me," she said, jaw clenched tight. Anger was pouring out of her unbridled. Everything she'd managed to contain was suddenly free. 

He felt a jolt. A spark of something powerful, primitive. Electricity filled the atmosphere, he tasted metal. The heavy scent of damp earth surrounded them. It was magic. Just as unrestrained as her emotions.

"Where is he?" 

She jumped from the bonnet and rounded the car. The boot opened without her touching it. Inside there was a man, gagged and bound. He was shouting, or trying to. His whole body was contorted as he fought to break free. 

"Don't say anything," Morgana warned Merlin. 

"Wasn't going to. I just. What do you need me to do?" 

They stared at each other. It was obvious they couldn't let him go. It wasn't even a possibility. 

"We could bring him to the police?" Merlin half-asked, half-suggested. Morgana nodded despite not looking convinced. There wasn't much they could do and Merlin wasn't an expert on hiding people in one's boot. 

"Maybe we should call," Morgana said, the look she gave her former lover was one of unadultarated disgust. She reached for the phone Merlin offered her and turned away from the boot. Merlin didn't see it coming. 

Cenred kicked, his eyes huge, bloodshot. He managed to spring up, grabbing Morgana who was distracted on the phone, the rope that had been used to bind his hands was around her neck. She yelped in surprise, the phone slipped from her hands. Her face was turning red. Merlin didn't stop to think, his fear and anger merged. He couldn't lose someone else he loved. His magic reached out hitting Cenred and knocking him back. There was a dull, cracking sound. 

Morgana staggered, falling to the ground, she started coughing her hands rubbing her neck. Merlin was soon by her side, he was moving on steady legs, his magic very much alive, flowing through him. 

"Are you okay? Morgana, please." Merlin couldn't hide his desperation. 

She nodded, looked back to where Cenred lay on the ground. "Is he?" She rasped out. 

Merlin swallowed. "I-- I think he is." 

Rain started to fall.

¤

"Don't make so much noise," Merlin warned, afraid his mother and uncle would come down and find Morgana and him bringing a dead body into their house.

His life was quickly going downhill. 

"I'm trying." Morgana almost banged Cenred's head against a wall. It was all so absurd Merlin couldn't cointain his laughter, Morgana soon joined him. They kept the body afloat with their magic, reaching the parlor between tumbles, giggles and hushed curses. They almost dumped the body on the floor, Morgana had the tact to ease the fall at the last second. 

"What is my life?" Merlin asked out loud. Morgana had left the room to retrieve the book, it was now hidden somewhere safer his mother had said. After his breakdown they didn't want to risk it. They clearly didn't know how stupid Merlin could be. How irrational he got when those he loved were in danger. 

Merlin dropped down on an armchair, tiredness creeping up on him. He was running on pure adrenaline. When Lance died he'd sworn he would never use his magic again. He blamed his family, his magic and the curse of a woman who'd died of a broken heart. But here he was, helping his cousin bring back a man who deserved what he got. Morgana couldn't end up in prison because of him. 

"Got it," Morgana said triumphant. "Are you ready?" 

"As I'll ever be."

A black pentagram was drawn beneath his body, while a white one covered his chest. Morgana and Melin held hands above him, and intoned together the spell, word by word. 

"Black as night, erase death from our sight. White as light, mighty Hekate make it right."

Merlin had expected earthquakes, fire, the roar of a thunderstorm. There was only silence. 

Cenred opened his eyes. They were black, bottomless. 

An invisible force pushed them back against the walls. The lights flickered above them. Merlin couldn't move, he was stuck, frozen. Cenred got up, his mouth was twisted in a cruel smirk. Every bit of warmth was sucked out from the room, ice cold flooded it. 

Gathering every bit of energy he had left Merlin fought against the power supporting Cenred, he aimed his magic at him, forcing back the darkness. This time when Cenred lifeless body hit the ground neither Morgana nor Merlin thought about bringing him back. 

Some things were better left alone. Both life and death were truly fragile and thet couldn't keep playing with fire. 

Their clothes were ruined. They'd carried the body out of the house to the garden, thinking it was better to dispose of the body. With their hands and gardening tools they digged a hole big enough for him. Merlin couldn't believe what they'd done. 

"Why do you have such terrible taste in men?" Merlin asked not expecting an answer. He didn't get one.

"I hope you're in hell," Morgana said to the ground before she walked back inside, her steps faltering just once. Merlin followed her. 

They sat in the kitchen floor, a thunderstom was brewing outside. The lake's water was restless, hitting the rocks. They passed a bottle of tequila back and forth in silence. Morgana had always wanted to love and be loved, she wanted to experience both the pains and joys of love, she wanted to feel. She ached for it. Morgana followed her passions, no matter how destructive they could be. 

Merlin admired and feared that about her. The only time he'd let go of any restrain he'd gone and fall in love with Lance, and that had been destructive too.

"I'm never falling in love again," Merlin said. He couldn't do it again. The Ambrose shouldn't love. Their love was poison, he was poison. Lance should've lived a long, happy life. Merlin had gotten in his way. "I don't need another love." 

"Merlin, you can't fight against destiny," she said.

He shrugged, took another sip.

With the sunrise reality hit. Like a disease death had spread, reached out, it was all around them. 

The flowerbed close to Cenred's grave had wilted, the trees were losing their leaves in the middle of spring. 

A butterfly stopped batting its wings.

¤

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this fic for Reel Merlin. I had been wanting to write a Practical Magic AU for ages and the fest gave me the perfect excuse to do it. While it's not a 100% faithful adaptation, the movie basis for this story and the book served as inspiration. Throughout the fic there are some quotes (including the resurrection spell) taken from the movie and book, those rightfully belong to Alice Hoffman. 
> 
> The title comes from a Bright Eyes song. I felt, it fit. 
> 
> Thank you to the mods for running the fest, and amnesty week, I managed to post!


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